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| The Bench Presser-A Mix-n-Toss Cocktail |
Well, Boys and Girls,
The Toad is
back! And no thanks to Reg Buff-Orpington who disappeared after manking Wing Commander. We'll settle his hash later.
Meanwhile, the Toads been for a lengthy “realignment” at a
spa in Baden Baden at the behest of the Lower Durham Parole Board. He was not only
realigned, but he had his tires rotated, headlights buffed and was both Simonized
and Martinized (one hour in and out guaranteed).
Returning to Toad
Manor, the Toad has been busy evicting grifters, poachers, squatters and the
occasional bench presser and power lifter.
Crime and fitness have been purged from the Mossy Oak paneled halls of
Toad Central, and we are ready for action…after the drinks are poured, of
course. Hey, I did say fitness had been
put to flight. Pay attention, bunky, or
face the Wrath of the Toad!
Cocktail in hand and
fez jauntily worn, the Toad perused the enormous stack of news after
incinerating the bills in a nice, roaring hearth. Hour after hour, item after item passed in
review. Three quarters into a second
fifth (or was it a fifth second) of Old Overcoat, the Toad came to a startling
realization: nothing had changed! Not a
sausage!
One electronic news service that
claims all the knowledge of the universe loudly declaimed that GAFCON (or is it GAFFE-CON) chairman and
Nigerian Primate Nicholas Okoh says “the GAFFE-CON movement came into being
nearly ten years ago because godly leaders recognized that the Anglican
Communion was being divided by leaders who rejected the authority of the Bible,
denied the uniqueness of Jesus and promoted patterns of life which defy
Scripture and reject the pattern of creation.”
Wow! Ten years ago this startling revelation suddenly struck
home. How long have they had telegraph
in Lagos?!? Has it been ten whole years? Rawwwwwkkkk!
The good (aren’t they all?) archbishop
solemnly declaimed, “Where there is no repentance, there must be realignment.
This involves new jurisdictions coming into being where necessary, such as the
Anglican Church in North America, and changing patterns of relationship, …”
This rang a somehow familiar note here in Toad Manor, and the
Toad sprang almost immediately to the library after a few more Bench Presser Cocktails, he reeled into
the archives. There, going back years
and years were the same breathless pronouncements. “One more thing and we’ll realign. Yes, we will.
Just you wait. There will be new
jurisdictions. We might have to do it.”
Yep, there it is in all its glory: “Anglican Insanity”. Different people in the funny hats, but the
same old refrain. “Realignment. Definitely realignment.”
Well, boys and girls, Dr. Toad is here to let you in on a little
secret. The only realignment possible
for those silly enough to remain in GAFFE-CON, ACNE (the Anglican Communion in
New England, isn’t it?) or the recent manifestations of modernism trying to
palm themselves off as “traditionalists” is at the hands of a Moldovan masseuse
at the Boiling Spring Spa of greater Baden Baden. Otherwise, bunky, that train left the station
40 years ago, and you’re still on the platform.
The Toad decided that there was bright spot in this endless renvoi of things Anglican. He doesn’t have to read three years of back
issues! This leaves more time for roistering. After Lent, of course.
The Bench Presser Cocktail
Makes 1 large glass
– 1 ripe banana
-1/3 of a cup of blueberries (60g)
-1/3 of a cup of strawberries (50g)
– 1/2 a cup of kale leaves (remove the hard parts of the stalks) (40g)
– 1/4 of a cup of almond milk or water (60ml)
– 1 tablespoon of ground flax seed
– 1 tablespoon of hemp powder
– 1 tablespoon of chia seeds
– 1 tablespoon of acai
– 1 teaspoon of cinnamon
Pour entire mixture down drain.
Pour 4 ounces of Grey Goose Vodka over ice and vow over the
chilled vodka never to consume health food of any type.
Five or six of these and your bench will be pressed. Folded and spindled as well. Rawwwwwwkkkkk!
Yr. Obed. Serv.
