Well, Toads and Toadettes,
Here at Toad Pond in the upper southern Midwest it’s a cursed 40 degrees this fine morning. At least Toad Manor has a fireplace and a drinks cart to warm the chill. Nope, bunky, there’s nothing like a tall Martin Luther Bier to take the chill off. Eight or nine of those babies and you are ready to hire someone to cut some wood for the ol’ fireplace. At least that’s the Toad’s preferred location for fires.
It seems that the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America has a different idea about fires. You see, boys and girls, this bunch of “mainstream” Christians had a little gathering in Minneapolis to approve, wait for it, a theological statement on human sexuality that loosens church teaching on homosexuality. Guess they’ve been hanging out at the Olympic Baths with their Episcopalian buddies a wee to much. They don’t call them ELCUSA for nothing. Rawk!
A few hours before the ELCA's governing body approved the sexuality statement entitled “Human Sexuality: Gift and Trust” the gathering was interrupted by a police order to send everyone within the vast convention center into the convention hall because of an approaching twister. At about 2 p.m., the tornado struck Central Lutheran Church across the street from the convention center, ripping down part of a 90-year-old steel cross atop the church and, well, sparking a bit of a fire.
Inside the center, the heat index rose with the fear as ELCA Presiding Bishop Mark Hanson read the 121st Psalm to the nervous assembly. Now here’s the kicker, toads and toadettes. The Rev. Steven Loy, chairman of the ad hoc committee for the document, was quoted as saying, “We trust the weather is not a commentary on our work.” Whoa! You think it just might be, pally?
And where was Pastor Luther in this near miss? You remember, this would be the same Luther who said, “Whence comes this perversity? Undoubtedly from Satan, who after people have once turned away from the fear of God, so powerfully suppresses nature that he blots out the natural desire and stirs up a desire that is contrary to nature.”
Or, could it be the same Luther who, Commenting on Genesis 19:4-5. wrote:
I for my part do not enjoy dealing with this passage, because so far the ears of the Germans are innocent of and uncontaminated by this monstrous depravity; for even though disgrace, like other sins, has crept in through an ungodly soldier and a lewd merchant, still the rest of the people are unaware of what is being done in secret.
Bunky, it didn’t creep in. Nosiree. The rainbow flag of Sodom was carried right in the front door, even as a little holy noise and minor devastation was expressing the more than passing displeasure from on High over the events of the day.
Boys and girls, the Toad has enough trouble in life without putting his finger (assuming he had fingers) in the eye of the Almighty. Nope. The Toad prefers to quaff a few pints of old Martin Luther, while local “undocumented laborers” chop down the neighbor’s pawlonia tree to push back the upper southern Midwestern chill here in Toad Manor.
As for the ELCUSANs, well boys and girls, Pastor Luther thinks that they can pretty well count on central heat…for a long, long time. Rawwwwwwwk!*
If you can’t find Martin Luther Bier at your local, there’s always
The Reformation Cocktail
Ingredients-
50 ml BOLS - Genever
20 ml GABRIEL BOUDIER - 'Bartender Range' Cherry Brandy
5 dash(es) ANGOSTURA - Orange Bitters
5 dash(es) ANGOSTURA - Aromatic Bitters
1 Float La Trappe Dubbel Beer
Stir bitters and cherry brandy in a similar manner to an Old Fashioned, adding Jenever and ice as you go. Layer the head of La Trappe beer on top.
A couple of these and you’ll be nailing thing to the door. Rawk!*
Yr. Obed. Serv.,
“Pastor” Roy Aldous Toad, DD-VS (Very Specious), LSMFT, D.Phil. (Augsberg)
*The Sound of One Toad Barking
1 comment:
Its been a month now, Toad! We're waiting...
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