Martini-ism in America

“When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.”
-Hunter S. Thompson

Good evening, Toads and Toadettes,

Once again, the Toad has been trolling the backwaters and brackish bayous of Christendom these last few days applying the fraudulizer™ to a few select institutions for your delectation. Some time ago, we had visited the Table-Top “seminary” of the Anglican Church of Virginia. However, the, shall we say, extravagant claims of this little group to membership caused us to take a closer look.

In its lengthy news page, the ACOVA boasts new “international” bishops added to its already star-studded retinue. The group included one Rt. Rev. Lic I. Canot, and the name proved too unusual to keep from looking. These groups are like bad motor accidents: you just don’t want to gaze on the unsightly carnage, but you just have to. So we hopped on over to Bp. Canot’s group, the IGLESIA ANGLICANA LATINO-AMERICANA in the Dominican Republic only to find some baby pictures of somebody’s little bishop in training and the Spanish version of the usual web façade of another tiny group. But, by heavens, the links page entitled “Cristianismo” provided the real pay dirt, the kind of outré stuff that makes it all worthwhile.

ACOVA’s newest buddies are tied in some way, perhaps through the emanations from the pleroma (that's something to look up for you theologians), to one Bishop Timothy, Spiritual Director of The Arimathea Institute, Primate of the Celtic Church USA , and Archbishop of the Apostolic Guardian Church of Grace and Blessings. Whoa, there! That’s a lot of sees to be seeing, particularly that Grace and Blessings bit.

But wait, boys and girls, there’s more. The “Timmer” is also “an ordained Interfaith Minister, Lodge Master of the Order of the Temple of the Holy City, and Steward of the International Order of Chivalric Companions.” He “serves as Hierophant of the Templum de Octo Rosae Mysticus, and serving under a charter from the Ulster Order of Druids directs Saint Bridget's Grove of the Eternal Flame.” This guy could be running the Anglican Communion! Rawk, rawk, rawk!*

But let’s not stop there, according to the website, “Rev. Timothy is a Reiki Master, a Mason 32°, a Martinist and Free Initiator in the AMO, OMCC, OM&S, and Sufi Martinist Order traditions, a Knight of the Healing and Teaching Order of St. Michael and St. Raphael, Knight of the Rosicrucian and Military Order of the Grail, and Knight of the Order des Chevaliers du Saint-Graal.” Recently, Bp. Canot’s buddy co-authored a book and tape series entitled Initiation Into the Grail Mysteries. Somebody tell Dan Brown to phone home-one of your characters has escaped.

Finally, we note that Bishop Timbo’s Old Catholic Orthodox Church ordination claims to transmit “22 lines of valid Apostolic Succession from the Master Jesus--the same Holy Orders transmitted in more traditional Catholic and Orthodox Churches.” We’d better alert some of those traditional Catholics and Orthodox-they’ll want in on the action. Yeah, right!

The bottom line here, Toads and Toadettes, is that when you are working up those news releases for the Holy Catholic Orthodox Anglican Church of the Cenobitic Crackpot (Original Jurisdiction), you might do a wee bit o’ the old Google on the folks you list in your “international communion”, and their friends, blood kin and occasional fellow travelers. Otherwise, you look even stranger than you already do. bunky.

As for the Toad, he doesn’t know about Martinism, other than he once had a suit with two pairs of pants Martinized at the dry cleaner in under one hour. For our part, we are staunch Martini-ists, the little onions being the only roughage we get in a week.

Yr. Obed. Serv.,

R. Toad, DD-VS (Very Specious), LSMFT

*The Sound of One Toad Barking