On Fire for God
“Remember in elementary school you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file from smallest to tallest? What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?”
-Warren Hutcherson, Stand-Up Comedian
Good evening, Toads and Toadettes,
The Toad likes miracles—really, he does. He also believes in the phenomena of miraculous apparitions granted by God to strengthen and sustain the faithful. He’s God, pally. You know, the Big Guy. He can play ‘em as he sees ‘em.
And, you know, old Nappy B. once said, “Great men are meteors designed to burn so that the earth may be lighted.” But, just as the Toad has doubts about certain seminaries, “churches” (particularly anything called an “original” jurisdiction, denomination or province), and other ecclesiastic ephemera, the Toad just can’t get behind stuff like the Madonna of the Cheese Sandwich. As well, he has a hard time getting his arm around clergy reincarnated as a briquette, or, for that matter, reincarnation at all--unless, of course, the Toad can come back as some spoiled, rich Hollywood type who can wrap his car around a busload of nuns and merely get sent to celebrity rehab.
This is why the Toad just had to check out an e-mail from an alert reader with too much time on his hands. It seems as though the late Holy Father, JPII, complete with his right hand raised in blessing, was spotted during a ceremony in Poland to mark the second anniversary of his death. It seems as though a bonfire was lit during a service at Beskid Zywiecki, close to John Paul's birthplace at Katowice, southern Poland, on April 2 - the second anniversary of his death. (The Toad questions the liturgical use of the bonfire unless it is being used for purposes of heresy adjustment, but, hey, it isn’t any worse than the Halloween Mass conducted by a priest in a Frankenstein costume last year. We did think, though, that we are trying to cut back on flamers in the Church, though. Rawk, rawk, rawk.*)
It seems as though hundreds attended the ceremony, and one Gregorz Lukasik, the Polish gent who took the snaps, said: "It was only afterwards when I got home and looked at the pictures that I realised I had something. I showed them to my brother and sister and they, like me, were convinced the flames had formed the image of Pope John Paul II. “ Absolutely no vodka was involved in this evaluation, no sirree!
Details of the late pope flambé appeared on the Vatican News Service, a TV station in Rome which specializes in religious news broadcasts. Then, pictures were broadcast continuously on Italian TV and also posted on religious websites, some of which crashed as thousands logged on to see for themselves the eerie figure formed by the flames.
Well, boys and girls, the Toad will leave it for you to decide. Is it the late JPII making a pilgrimage from the Larger Life? Or, was it a slow news night on Vatican TV that resulted in a bonfire of the inanities? The Toad prefers not to think of the Late Holy Father as a Marvel Comics character or a novelty drink called "The Flaming Pope." You know some hotel bartender already has thought of it.
As for the Toad, the whole thing reminds him of Hank “Walden” Thoreau, who wrote, “ Write while the heat is in you. The writer who postpones the recording of his thoughts uses an iron which has cooled to burn a hole with. He cannot inflame the minds of his audience.”
The Toad likes miracles—really, he does. He also believes in the phenomena of miraculous apparitions granted by God to strengthen and sustain the faithful. He’s God, pally. You know, the Big Guy. He can play ‘em as he sees ‘em.
And, you know, old Nappy B. once said, “Great men are meteors designed to burn so that the earth may be lighted.” But, just as the Toad has doubts about certain seminaries, “churches” (particularly anything called an “original” jurisdiction, denomination or province), and other ecclesiastic ephemera, the Toad just can’t get behind stuff like the Madonna of the Cheese Sandwich. As well, he has a hard time getting his arm around clergy reincarnated as a briquette, or, for that matter, reincarnation at all--unless, of course, the Toad can come back as some spoiled, rich Hollywood type who can wrap his car around a busload of nuns and merely get sent to celebrity rehab.
This is why the Toad just had to check out an e-mail from an alert reader with too much time on his hands. It seems as though the late Holy Father, JPII, complete with his right hand raised in blessing, was spotted during a ceremony in Poland to mark the second anniversary of his death. It seems as though a bonfire was lit during a service at Beskid Zywiecki, close to John Paul's birthplace at Katowice, southern Poland, on April 2 - the second anniversary of his death. (The Toad questions the liturgical use of the bonfire unless it is being used for purposes of heresy adjustment, but, hey, it isn’t any worse than the Halloween Mass conducted by a priest in a Frankenstein costume last year. We did think, though, that we are trying to cut back on flamers in the Church, though. Rawk, rawk, rawk.*)
It seems as though hundreds attended the ceremony, and one Gregorz Lukasik, the Polish gent who took the snaps, said: "It was only afterwards when I got home and looked at the pictures that I realised I had something. I showed them to my brother and sister and they, like me, were convinced the flames had formed the image of Pope John Paul II. “ Absolutely no vodka was involved in this evaluation, no sirree!
Details of the late pope flambé appeared on the Vatican News Service, a TV station in Rome which specializes in religious news broadcasts. Then, pictures were broadcast continuously on Italian TV and also posted on religious websites, some of which crashed as thousands logged on to see for themselves the eerie figure formed by the flames.
Well, boys and girls, the Toad will leave it for you to decide. Is it the late JPII making a pilgrimage from the Larger Life? Or, was it a slow news night on Vatican TV that resulted in a bonfire of the inanities? The Toad prefers not to think of the Late Holy Father as a Marvel Comics character or a novelty drink called "The Flaming Pope." You know some hotel bartender already has thought of it.
As for the Toad, the whole thing reminds him of Hank “Walden” Thoreau, who wrote, “ Write while the heat is in you. The writer who postpones the recording of his thoughts uses an iron which has cooled to burn a hole with. He cannot inflame the minds of his audience.”
So, now that you all are suitably inflamed, go cool off.
Yr. Obed. Serv.,
R. Toad, DD-VS (Very Specious), LSMFT
*The sound of one Toad barking
R. Toad, DD-VS (Very Specious), LSMFT
*The sound of one Toad barking
3 comments:
I don't know? The flaming image at first reminded me of the scene in "Ghost Busters" when the marshmallow giant catches on fire. At any rate, I know the Church tries not to absolutely say who goes down but it focuses on who goes up. It don't look good (in accepted terms of Heavenly bliss) for JP2's first apparition to be captured and consumed in the midst of fire. What a pity.
P.S. I may speak for all of your readers, but I know I would love to see pictures of the Franken-Mass.
The Landover Baptist Church spoof site had great fun with this one!
"Pope John Paul II Waves a Warning to Catholics From His Home in Hell...! God makes it even clearer that the former Pope is burning in Hell by allowing John Paul to send a horrifying Halloween warning message to deluded Catholics around the world...!"
The Landover Baptist Church spoof site had great fun with this one!
"Pope John Paul II Waves a Warning to Catholics From His Home in Hell...! God makes it even clearer that the former Pope is burning in Hell by allowing John Paul to send a horrifying Halloween warning message to deluded Catholics around the world...!"
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