SHEEP STEALIN’ II (The Sequel)
“If a man be found stealing any of his brethren of the children of Israel, and maketh merchandise of him, or selleth him; then that thief shall die; and thou shalt put evil away from among you.”
-Deuteronomy 24:7

Well, boys and girls,

The Toad has learned that the continuing Anglican sheep rustler identified earlier in the week has struck. Yessirreee. Faster than you can build a water feature in a seminary, the ecclesiastic of envy, the bishop of blarney, the prelate of piracy, got his new swag up on his website. Man, that’s church growth at its best. Problem is, the Big Guy (no, the BIG GUY) seems to have a wee bit of problem with this. Worse, still, the Toad has learned that the smooth-talking scion of St. Bastard’s-by-the-Bay had as his principal persuasive tool a level of anti-Roman Catholic fear-mongering that would have done Ollie Cromwell proud. And this from a group of about 2,500…oops make that 2,550 now….that aspires to “catholicity”. Rawk.*

Well, bunkie, apart from the fact that the ovine-napper had no idea what he was talking about from what was reported to the Toad out here in the upper, southern mid-west, it might just call into question the “catholic” claims of a group whose titular head has such difficulties with the largest unified branch of Christendom. But, of course, the “catholic” claim went out the window with the multiply-married bishops experiment, didn’t it? Rawk, rawk.*

While we Papists and Romanists never actually read the Bible, the Toad nevertheless was able to find an unused one propping up his statue of St. Joseph, and lo and behold, the following jumped out: “By swearing, and lying, and killing, and stealing, and committing adultery, they break out, and blood toucheth blood.” (Hosea 4:2) Whoa! The Toad thinks somebody must have been skipping seminary classes the day they got to this part. (Okay, he’ll spot you the killing bit.) That would presuppose you actually went to a legit seminary.

But, wait, that’s not very nice, is it? No, pally. No it isn’t. But neither is the stuff that has been going on in that little Corner of Christendom called Continuing. You know, the people that bill themselves as the alternative to those other “Anglicans” who have the priestesses and homosexual bishops who have left their wives because they though the text read “Adam and Steve.” They are also ever so much better than those 1.3 billion Roman Catholics who’ve got it all wrong. And that other crazy bunch of Anglicans (you know, the ones numbering roughly 500,000) who want to unite with the Holy See, well they are doubly wrong. They don’t even like the Orthodox who, well, are just “too ethnic”. (I mean, would we really let them in the country club?) Rawk.*

Let’s review the bidding—at least the wild cards and jokers. A fair number of continuing Anglican clergy in various “jurisdictions” have variously run unlicensed diploma mills and/or laughable seminary programs, “appropriated” church property coveted by a particular “bishop”, sued their own parishes to get property for personal gain, bilked old people to the point of incurring lengthy prison sentences, perpetrated wholly-uneducated and unformed “clergy” on unsuspecting worshippers, maintained openly homosexual clergy of the practicing sort, suffered parish sex scandals, ignored background checks for incoming clergy, and broken a not a few Federal, state and local laws. Heck, in some instances, the Toad suspects these little groups have at one time or another violated the law of gravity! Rawk, rawk, rawk.*

And, now, they have reached the bottom of the barrel it seems. If you can’t attract the non-believer or the un-churched through old fashioned evangelism and apologetics, or even with bingo and tasty food at “ethnic festivals” (Do we really HAVE to let them in the country club?), get a presentable pirate prelate and steal a few new pins for your map. Well, here’s news, pally, you’d better take one of these with you when you make that last trip. That way, you’ll know when you’re done.

Meantime, the Toad has about exhausted his warnings. If you like a religion run by P.T. Barnum with special effects by the Wizard of Oz, you will get what you pay for…and pay for…and pay for. (Takes a lot of swag to cover the ever-increasing cost of Grey Goose® brand vodka.) And, when you wake up in the morning to find your clergy replaced, the building sold and your wallet empty, you can take solace in a cool, convincing and smooth

Pirate Prelate (a/k/a the Scotch Bishop)
Ingredients to use:
1 Peel Twist Lemon
1.0 Tblsp Orange juice
1.0 oz. Scotch
0.25 tsp. Powdered Sugar
0.5 tsp Triple sec
0.5 oz. Dry Vermouth
Directions: Shake all ingredients (except lemon peel) with ice and strain into a cocktail glass. Add the twist of lemon peel and serve.

Three of these and you’ll steal a cathedral.

Yr. Obed. Serv.,

“Bishop” Roy Aldous Toad,DD-VS (Very Specious), LSMFT, D.Phil.

Pirate Prelate-Holy Catholic Orthodox Anglican Church and Sheep Ranch-Original Jurisdiction (C'mon--you can't prove it's not real!)

*The Sound of One Toad Barking