More Better Bishops

Bishops move diagonally. That's why they often turn up where the kings don't expect them to be.
-Terry Pratchett, Small Gods

Good morning, Toads and Toadettes,

Some years ago, a friend of the Toad’s attended the anniversary of the St. Louis declaration. As we recall, he was one of the speakers at what proved to be the ecclesiastic version of the famous bar scene from the first Star Wars film (“Yes, Susie, that is the Archbishop of the Holy Catholic Anglican Rite Church of Neptune (Original Province) playing tunes on his clarinet-shaped proboscis.”) A well-known and respected Anglican journalist ran up to this clergyman as he arrived and said, “Look at all of these bishops! I’ve covered this crowd for years, and I just don’t recognize many of them!”

Surveying the purple clad crowd which the Toad is reliably informed included one “primate” (Egad, we love that term!) dressed up as Msgr. Guido Sarducci, the clergyman sighed and said, “Wait until the early FedEx from Almy gets here-there’ll be ten more before the day is out.”

Continuing church bishops have been analogized to putting one wire coat hanger in the closet at night. You will have four-hundred of various shapes and sizes crowding the bar by morning. And titles? Pally, you just gotta’ have a title to go with your miter, door-knocker sized pectoral cross, purple beanie, purple batman cape, purple shirt, purple gloves (yes, boys and girls, at least one continuing archbishop loves those) and purple socks.

Indeed, one jurisdiction, despite the fact that it is now down to about 2,000 members and, yes, four count-em-four bishops, just had to elect an “archbishop” rather than oh, say, worry about actual Christian unity. You just had to have it, didn’t you, bunky? For those who like farcical ceremony, you can check out the photos of the event over at the Province of Christ the King website. Did the number of bishops actually outnumber the attendees? Rawk, rawk, rawk!*

This sorry pageant is replayed it seems almost daily in garages and rented chapels everywhere. At least the APCK crowd owned the church in which they crowned their latest king. More than we can say about the tweezers out there who have a “cathedral” and “seminary” operating in the spare room. (You know who you are, and the Toad will expose you. Just sing a chorus of Anticipation, in the meantime.)

But, wait, there’s more. How long have continuers been braced by “mainstream” Anglicans pointing out the fact that our fissiparous lot seems to be made up of the priesthood of all bishops? Or is that the episcopate of all believers?

Well, boys and girls, those very same “communion” Anglicans have gotten in on the purple derby. Rather than cooperate with that nasty old bunch of folks who told you so thirty years ago, you just had to get yourselves new jurisdictions. The reason might lie in having read too much J.I. Packer or Peter Toon and not wanting to have a hoe down with those bad old Anclo-catholics—you know, the ones who are dead. But, you have new oversight from far across the sea, and, guess what? You gotta’ have more bishops. Here is a sampling of the once and future bishops and their “jurisdictions”:

The Rev. Canon Bill Atwood, D. Min. (Kenya)
The Rt. Rev. Bill Cox (Southern Cone)
The Rt. Rev. Andy Fairfield (Uganda)
The Rev. John Guernsey (Uganda)
The Rev. Bill Murdoch (Kenya)
The Rt. Rev. Martyn Minns, Nigeria
Bishop Sandy Greene, (“a Missionary Bishop of the Episcopal Church of Rwanda”-but we aren’t counting him as he is in Canada, technically a country)

But it’s all just fine because you are remaining “in the Communion” and are “missionaries”. Ever seen the Falls Church? Man, that’s operating out of a grass shack in Pago Pago, isn’t it? Oh, well, they’ll have a stage until Bishop Peter “Heresy is better than Schism” Lee and his band of flying monkeys…er…lawyers…take your digs away. Somehow, I don’t think these folks will be reduced to table-top church.

All of this makes Orthodoxy seem a model of stability and, Rome, well, let’s just say “a rock” to coin a phrase. At least there are real signs of hope of late such as the recent move of one bishop and a dozen or more parishes and clergy into a much larger body. No “Anglican Celtic Orthodox Catholic Rite Church (Original Province)” there, pally. Just a little sanity. And, nobody has to ask, “Who’s your daddy...er...bishop?”

Yr. Obed. Serv.,

R. Toad, DD-VS (Very Specious), LSMFT
*The sound of one Toad barking